Gaz Land
by Cerena Montanyu
Summary: A classic tale of painful love and- Who am I kidding? This is a parody of Disney's Beauty and the Beast, starring Gaz as the... Er... Main character, Dib as her brother, and Zim as the... Prince? Oy vey...
1. Welcome To... GAZLAND!

Author's Notes: BE AFRAID!! My first, hyper, funny, parody IZ fanfic!! WHOOO! I promise this will be funny, and such fun it shall be... Heh-heh-heh... Why is this in chapters? *Wails* I PROMISE TO FINISH IT, I SWEAR! I WILL! *Ahem* Please read and review! More reviews generally means the faster the next chapter goes up, for some reason... :P   
~*~  
Title: Gaz Land  
Author: - Cerena Montanyu -  
~*~  
  
~*~INTRODUCTION~*~  
Once upon a time, in a land hopefully very, very far away...  
  
There was a girl. And a guy. And another guy. Very original, yes?  
  
Wait! I messed up! Lemme start again.  
  
Once upon a time, in the land called... Uh... Zim? Yeah. That's it, Zim.  
  
Okay, in the land called Zim, there was a prince named, er, Zim who wanted to take over the world, and so to protect the world, the Royal Paranormal Investigator named Dib turned him into a hideous alien! That's right! Don't ask me how.  
  
Unfortunately, Dib had a sister named Gaz. And all she liked to do was play her Game Slave 2 all day. That's all.  
  
Anyway, they lived in the land called Zim, where the prince was turned into an alien called Zim. FUN FUN!!!  
  
Now let's begin the story.  
~*~  
Dawn poured all over the land, as Gaz headed out the door, playing her Game Slave. She decided to take a walk, although it's a miracle she can see where she's going while she's playing that thing. *Ahem* Anyway, Gaz was headed to market, to buy a little piggie... Not really, but she WAS headed to market. For some completely random reason.  
  
"I'm going to go to that Bigfoot Convention in Kansas, even though I didn't know there was one today, and even how to get there!" Dib called after her, hitching the horse to the wagon.  
  
Strange, I didn't know they HAD a horse!  
  
So Gaz headed to market, where people were waking up to sing that annoying "Gaz" song.   
  
~*~CUE SONG ONE~*~  
  
"Little town, it's the Annoying village. Every stinkin' day's just like the one before. Little town, full of freakish people. Why am I singing, anyway?" Gaz mumbled, barely carrying a tune. It sounds like some sort of realy freaky tiki chant. She miraculously looked up, glaring because I made her sing. THE HORRORS!!!  
  
"WHAZZUP?!" The shutters of one house opened.  
  
"G'day, mate!"  
  
"Hey!", "Hello!", "Shut up!"  
  
Gaz rolled her eyes, cleared her throat, and started to sing again 'cause I said so. "There goes the ice cream man with his truck, like always, the same old ice cream and popsicles to sell. Every morning's just the same, after all, this is insane, I'm singing but still in character, miraculously-"  
  
"Good Morning, Gaz!" One of the citizens of Annoying Village DARED to stop Gaz. Uh oh...   
  
"Talk to me, you die." Gaz retorted, tripping the Baker and continuing on her merry way.   
  
"Where are you off to?" the Baker brushed the dust off himself and ran to catch up to the gamer girl.  
  
"Grr. I'm going to the Game shop. I just finished the most wonderful game, about killer vampire piggies and a castle and-" Gaz finally gave in, revealing her future plans.  
  
"That's nice. Marie! The baguettes! Hurry up!" The Baker man lost interest really quickly (reminds you of someone, doesn't it?) and scurried off.  
  
Some old ladies looked at Gaz as they shook their heads as they started to sing as well. "Look there she goes the girl who's strange, duh, dazed and distracted, can't you tell?"   
  
  
"Never part of any crowd!" A young girl added, before saying "Except for the one for Game Slave 2."   
  
Her father rushed out to sing "Cause her head's up on some cloud."  
  
Hearing this, Gaz stopped and gave them all the evil eye. Go, Gaz, go!   
  
The whole of Annoying Village continued to sing. "No denying she's a scary girl that Gaz!"  
  
  
"Bonjour!"   
  
"Shut up."   
  
"How is your fam'ly?"   
  
"Doomed."  
  
"Hola!"   
  
"Whaaa?"  
  
"How is your wife?"   
  
"I'm only 12, stupid!"  
  
"THE MADNESS!!"   
  
"PUT HIM IN ONE OF DEM CRAZY BUCKETS!!"   
  
  
Gaz sighed, and looked up at the sky, while grudgingly singing "I'm on the last level, so shut up or I'll make you wish I was never born!"  
  
"YES MA'AM!!!" Annoying Village saluted Gaz, and continued on like nothing happened.   
  
  
"Ah, Gaz!" Gaz swung open the door to the fittingly named Game Shop. The Game Shop shopkeeper (sounds a bit redundant, but really, it's not) greeted her. I wonder why it's greet? He didn't say "Greet, Gaz!" Nah, should've been ah-ed Gaz. Heh-heh. Greet's a funny word...  
  
"Give me Killer Piggies 2 or die."   
  
"You're finished with Killer Piggies 1 already?"   
  
"Of course. Does it look like I do anything else BUT play Game Slave 2? Now gimme my game!"  
  
"But... B-b-but... I just sold the last copy to a boy named Iggins..."   
  
Gaz sighs. "I would normally rain misery upon your game-selling heart, but since the author is a complete moron, I'll borrow . . . . . this one!"   
  
"That one? But you've played it twice! And this isn't like a library, you know..."   
  
"So?"   
  
"Well, if you like it all that much, it's yours."   
  
"But..."   
  
"I insist."   
  
"Finally." Gaz walks out of the shop, playing Doomed II while some women giggling over at the Starbucks next door point her out to their friends."Look there she goes; That girl is so peculiar!" "I wonder if she's got Mad Cow disease..." One of the women's friends wondered.   
  
"With a particularly murderous look!"  
  
"And her nose stuck in that schnook!" Well, I HAD to have something rhyme with 'look', ya know...  
  
"What a puzzle to the rest of us is Gaz!" the whole village sighs. Wow. Did you ever hear a whole village sigh? It sounds like a tornado. Really. Okay, okay, on with this stupid song...  
  
Gaz sits down at a bench, furiously playing her game. An unfortunate sheep wanders over to her, and baas like this: "Baaaah". Gaz looks furiously up from her "Game over" Screen, and makes a fist at that adorable, doomed sheep. She starts her game over, and punches the sheep away while singing.  
  
"Oh, isn't this annoying? This is my favorite game because --- you'll see! Here's where I blow up Prince Sarring... But I won't be able to kill him 'til level three..."  
  
"Now it's no wonder that she's really weird, her dad's the famous Professor Membraine!"   
  
"But that hasn't got to do with anything! Anyway, you wouldn't want to mess up her game unless you have a death wish."   
  
"She's nothing like the rest of us, yes, different from the rest of us is Gaz!" the whole village stopped what they were doing and pointed to Gaz. IT'S RUDE TO POINT! Bah, stupid, annoying people...  
  
  
A wierd kid comes onto the scene, apparently having multiple personalities. His eyes bug out every now and then, it's really wierd... But guess what! I have multiple personalities too! Sometimes, I think I'm a SPORK! REALLY!   
  
"Wow! You didn't miss a pig, Iggins! You're the best gamer in the whole world!" Iggins practically hugged himself. Hey, why are the townspeople singing about how wierd Gaz is when Iggins is even wierder?! That question deserves a slot on Mysterious Mysteries...   
  
"I know." Iggin's other personality played Game Slave 2, Killer Piggies II! That game Gaz wanted! Uh oh...  
  
"No beast alive stands a chance against you. --- And no gamer, for that matter."  
  
"It's true, Fou-Fou. And I've got my sights set on that one." Apparently, one of Iggin's personalities is named Fou-fou. Heh-heh... Little bunny Fou-Fou, hoppin' through the forest- *Ahem*   
  
"The inventor's daughter?"   
  
"She's the one - the girl who holds the title of Best Gamer, and who I'm going to beat!"   
  
"But she's -"   
  
"The most wierd girl in town."   
  
"I know, but -"   
  
"She is the best. And don't I deserve to be the best?"   
  
"Well, of course! I mean you do, but -"  
  
  
  
"Right from the moment when I met her, saw her, I said "SHE'S GOOD!" and I fell! Here in town there's only she, who can beat me, so I'm making plans to beat Gaz and stuff..."  
  
"Look, there he goes, isn't he dreamy? Monsier Harold, oh he's so cute! Be still, my heart, I think I'm having a heart attack... Oh isn't he such a tall, dark, strong and handsome prince?!" Three blonde stereotypes sang off in their own little corner of the world which I don't want to be a part of *Takes a breath*, thinking that this song was actually about someone else.   
  
  
"HAHA!"   
  
"CHEATER!"   
  
"Be nice!"   
  
"Yes, mom..."   
  
"You call this bacon?"   
  
"What lovely feet!"   
  
"Some tomatoes"   
  
"-Ten yards-"   
  
"-One pound-"  
  
"'scuse me!"   
  
"I'll get the knife!"   
  
"LET ME THROUGH OR DIE!"   
  
"This bread -"   
  
"Those fish -"   
  
"it's stale!"   
  
"they smell!"   
  
"You've GOT to be kidding!"   
  
  
  
"There must be more than this annoying life!" Gaz groaned as she got another "GAME OVER" screen.   
  
  
"Just watch, I'm going to make Gaz my wife!" Iggins proclaimed, before noticing that everyone was looking at him. "Oops, did I say that aloud?"   
  
  
"Look there she goes, the girl who has purple hair, her genetics must be screwed! It would be a pity and a sin, if she actually fit in. 'Cause she really is a funny girl, a great gamer but a funny girl, she really is a funny girl... That Gaz!" The town finished the song as Gaz glared at them all and walked home, still playing her Game Slave.   
  
~*~END SONG 1~*~  
  
Gaz walked home, muttering about the stupid people and their "Gaz" song ritual. Honestly, couldn't they bug someone else? Like Iggins? Or that two headed girl? What about Dib, too? Hey, what DID happen to Dib...? Anyway, back to the actual, barely existant plotline. *Ahem*  
  
So Gaz walked along the dusty road, as the Madness Dog happened to cross her path, just for the sake of his contract says he has to make an appearance. *Grumbles*   
  
"Outta my way, you mutt." The Madness Dog shrinks to about a quarter of his original size, turns purple, and runs away whimpering. My, wasn't that random? What a wierd dog. THE MADNESS!  
  
Gaz turns the final corner to her house, where she is greeted by... A PARTY!! WHOO!  
  
And it's not just ANY party, it's the party where Iggins will finally marry- I mean, beat Gaz at Game Slave 2!  
  
But Gaz just opens the door to the cottage and slams the door. Actually, she almost slammed the door, but Iggins stuck his foot in just in time to make sure that he'd never walk again.   
  
"Go away, or I'll make you wish to never see the age of twelve!" Gaz threatens, still slaying hundreds of Vampire piggies.   
  
"But... I'm already twelve!"  
  
Gaz thinks for a minute, then retorts "Then I'll make you wish you had never TURNED twelve!" Iggins shuddered, but challenged her anyway to a battle.   
  
"You'd have to live at my house, of course, 'cause after we're married-" Iggins started, looking at the simple cottage while laying on the ground with his crippled foot.  
  
"Wait a minute! I'd never marry you, slimeball!" Gaz punched Iggins, starting to get that "Homicidal Gaz" look.  
  
"Oops. Wrong script." Duh, Iggins.  
  
Gaz rolled her eyes and slammed the door anyway.  
  
~*~REPRISE OF "GAZ"~*~  
  
"Can you believe it? He asked me to battle him! Me! Winning would be so easy, compared to that borish, brainless...!" Gaz started, beginning to wonder why she didn't accept in the first place. *Whistles innocently*  
  
"Winner: Gaz, loser: Iggins, can't you just see it? I'd beat him so bad he'd cry for weeks! But no sir, not me, the author forbids it! I want much more than this annoying, simple life!" Gaz walked out the back door out into the corn fields, where the wind... Couldn't... Ruffle her spiky hairdo. Cheap special effects...  
  
"I want adventure in the Great Wide Somewhere, I want it more than I can tell... And for once, it might be grand, to have someone, understand... I want so much more than they've got planned..." Gaz sighed, setting down her Game Slave to watch the sun set. Her mind made up, she grabbed an extra set of batteries and started off on... An adventure. I guess. Or just one big walk. Not much of an adventure when all you're doing is walking while playing Gameslave like always? Oh well...*Yawns* I'm tired. I'm going to go write something else now, enjoy this chapter... Or you will FEEL THE WRATH OF THE JELLO! MWUAHAHAHAAAA! *Falls asleep*  
~*~  
End author's notes: Well? Did it so totally stink? Did it make you laugh so hard milk spurted out of your nose? *Imitating Zim* TELL MEEEE... And don't worry, I AM working on the sequel to The Way Things Are. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. But enjoy being afraid! ^_^ *Will shut up now* Oh, and please review! *Now will really shut up* 


	2. Of Meese, Dib, and Dust Bunnies

I just LOVE this. I know you've all been waiting for this chapter for a long time, and I'm very sorry, but... To make it up, the third chapter's about two thirds done! So it should be up this weekend. Thanks to all that reviewed, it means so much to me. ^^   
  
~Cerena Montanyu~  
  
  
~*~END REPRISE; SCENE CHANGE~*~  
  
Since I'm too stinkin' lazy to write the actual scene change (BLAME THE LAZINESS FAIRY! YEAH!!!), I've decided to skip to the actual scene. Now, please be warned/reminded that I have NOT seen Beauty and the Beast in a lo-o-o-ong time. My freakin' VCR's broken. It has been for a year. It's the laziness fairy, I tell you...  
  
Anyway, as far as I remember, the script went a liiiitle like this...  
~*~START SCENE 2~*~  
  
"Darn those Vampire Piggies..." Gaz muttered, shaking her head at the Game Over screen. "Oh well, it's too dark to play anyway." She sighed, noticing that the sun was setting over the wall of trees.  
  
DARN THAT WALL OF TREES!  
  
She continued on the well-traveled path, while her stomach growled. She decided to start to sing, just to amuse herself. "There is a guy who is a chicken, and Iggins is his name-o! How nice a chicken would taste right now! I can barely hear any sound, and I can swear that those... Things are staring at me-o!" Riiiight, Gaz. You need some sugar.  
  
But anyway, let's cut ahead to a half an hour later.  
  
~*~HALF AN HOUR LATER~*~  
BEHOLD MY POWERS OF REDUNDANCY!! Hee-hee. Anyway, it's pitch black right now, and Gaz swears that something is following her. Or rather, somethingS.  
  
"Who's there? Stop following me, or I'll never let you see daylight again!" Gaz threatened, not feeling in the mood to carry out any of her threats, unfortunately.  
  
"Mooo. Oink. Quack. Meow. Woof. Mooo." Came the reply. Along with some growling.  
  
Gaz slowly turned around, checking out her surroundings, before succesfully pinpointing the wierd, random collection of animal sounds. Pretty good for someone with no visible ears.   
  
"YOU! COME OUT NOW, and I'll go EASY on ya!" Gaz demanded.  
  
"Moooooo." The thing replied, Gaz noticed lots of pairs of evilly glowing red eyes glaring at her.   
  
"What's with the 'mooo'? ARE YOU A COW?!"  
  
Gaz whirled around as those pairs of evilly glowing red eyes advanced, and turned out to be...  
  
"MOOSE!!!" Gaz yelled, pointing to a particularly large one. Darn those oversized, moo-ing meese.  
  
"Uh, the correct plural form of 'moose' is actually 'moose'." Gaz pointed out. Tough, I like 'meese' better. Sounds cuter.  
  
Gaz rolled her eyes. "Anyway... Gasp. Moose. I will die. Oh no. I must run now."  
  
"Moooo." The meese answered.  
  
"Moose don't moo."  
  
The particularly large moose stepped forward. "*Author, please insert the sound that a moose makes.*"  
  
Gaz slapped her forehead, annoyed at the fact that I don't know the sound that a moose makes. "STUPID MOOSE! GYAH!"  
  
"NEIGH!" The moose reared up, and ran straight for Gaz. The other moose, having nothing better to do besides eat poor Gir's innocent walnuts- DROP THE WALNUTS AND NO ONE WILL GET HURT!!!- decided to follow their 'leader' and chase poor Gaz as well.  
  
Gaz, having better sense than to stand there and let them trample her, ran for the nearest tree she could find. Moose don't climb.  
  
Spotting a particularly large one, she ran as fast as her legs would do so without having a fit. Though conveniently, the 'tree' wasn't a tree at all. It was a SPOOOKY CASTLE *DUN DUN DUN DUUUN*  
  
"Just my luck!" Gaz groaned as the pulled open the rusty gates, and ran that loooong stretch to the front door. Having opened it, she quickly stepped inside, and just when the over-sized moose was about to rampage into the front door, she slammed it.  
  
"That was close!" Gaz sighed, leaning against the door to inspect her new surroundings. There were a bunch of random everyday items placed on a nearby table, and she appeared to be in a long hallway of some sorts.   
  
"Hellooo? Would the nearest freak please direct me to the uh... I don't know, Bigfoot Convention in Kansas?" she grumpily said, wishing that she had brought a candy bar or something.  
  
"Say pleeeeaaaase!!!" a chirpy annoying-sounding voice echoed through the hallway. It seemed to be EVERYWHERE, like it was the house itself or something...  
  
"WHO'S THERE?!" Gaz asked the obvious (of course, we all know who it is), whirling around to inspect the nearest exits, judging the distance between her and the door. REMEMBER THE MEESE, GAZ, REMEMBER THE MEESE...  
  
"It's MEEEEEEE!!!" Suddenly, a pair of evilly glowing eyes shined right in front of Gaz.   
  
"NO, IT'S A MOOSE!!!" She shouted, backing slowly away, searching nearby for something pokey to poke the 'moose' with.  
  
But instead, the 'moose' turned around and switched on the nearby lamp. While it was doing so, Gaz noticed that it's eyes were now an aquamarine... And that the lamp just happened to be another one of those robot things.  
  
She narrowed her eyes as she contemplated the little robot in front of her. It's head resembled an empty coke can, there was a screen on it's belly, and it's limps hovered a good half an inch from it's body. Truly, it must be a killing machine-  
  
"IIT'S YOOOOUUUUU!!!" the hyper, QUICK little 'bot GLOMPED (This is for you, Ryo-chan!!!) Gaz, knocking her down, and started licking her face.  
  
"Ugh! Yeah, it's me, but who're YOU?!" Gaz groaned, glaring at GIR. She couldn't get up; GIR had been eating too many cupcakes. Far off, she thought she heard footsteps... And wait, was that a SHADOW over her?!  
  
GIR looked up, his tongue lolled out, and jumped off of Gaz.  
  
There was the unmistakable thud of metal glomping skin as GIR assaulted another victim: "IT's YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU!"   
  
"ARGH!!!" An all too familiar, commanding, IRKEN voice ARGHed in exasperation. "GIR! GET OFF! YOU JUST RUINED MY DRAMATIC ENTRANCE!!!"  
  
"I like yoooouuu," was GIR's reply to the GLOMPed Irken solider.  
  
Gaz stood up, wanting to really blow something up. Wanna know why? First off, there were a band of rabid Meese-Who-Don't-Know-What-Sounds-Meese-Make, and then she's glomped by a STRANGE robot, and third, THERE'S AN ADORABLE, CUTE, IRRISISTABLE IRKEN INVADER IN FRONT OF HER BEING GLOMPED BY THE AFOREMENTIONED ROBOT!! BLOW 'IM UP, GAZ!!!  
  
"YOU!!! WILL!!! PAAAAAAY!!!" Gaz blew up. Hey, Gaz, you were supposed to blow ZIM up, not yourself...  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before, miserable STINK BEAST!!!" Zim shouted, pushing GIR off of him. "Aren't you supposed to be cleaning something?"  
  
"Yep! Waitaminute... No!" Gir almost thought for a minute. "I'M DANCIN' LIKE A MUNKAAAY!!!"   
  
Gaz rolled her eyes at the hyperactive robot.  
  
Suddenly, ANOTHER Gir came in. "ZIR, REPORTING FOR DUTY!!!"  
  
"State your mission, Zir!" Gir's eyes flashed red, as he gave a sharp salute.  
  
"THE TAQUITOS ARE BURNING, SIR!!!!"   
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" The two 'bots ran off, their eyes flashing cyan, somewhere which I presume to be the kitchen. "HEY, WHAT ARE ALL THESE BOOKS DOING HERE?!" "Maybe we have to eat them all..." ...Or not.  
  
Zim stood in the hall, wearing... *Mock gasps* HIS NORMAL IRKEN ATTIRE!!! Geez, these guys refuse to wear anything else. I'll fix that... *Runs off, giggling evilly*  
  
"DING DONG, THE AUTHOR'S GONE! NOW WE PARTY!" Three more Girs, Mir, Bir, and Nir ran in, dancing 'like a munkaaay'. Cupcakes suddenly showered everyone, as Mir picked up a noisemaker, blew it, and the three ran off, leaving Zim and Gaz in a pile of cupcakes, wondering what the freak was wrong with me. Just you wait and see...  
  
"AH!! WHAT IS THIS?! CEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAA!" AHHHHHHH! YOU SAID THE FORBIDDEN AUTHOR NAME!!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO ONLY CALL ME 'the author'!!! Anyway, Zim was shouting because here he was, in the hall, forced to stand in a pile of delicious tempting cupcakes, with a beautiful girl right next to him, and I'm still here.  
  
Wait, that's not it. Darn!  
  
Okay, okay, Zim was REALLY shouting because he had suddenly, mysteriously, found himself wearing Dib's unmistakable black trenchcoat, complete with those boots *drools thinking of the boots* and a pair of glasses on his nose, somehow attached to his eyes.   
  
Likewise, if we were looking at Dib right now, he'd be in Zim's little cocktail-like dress- "UNIFORM!!!"-er, uniform, and unfortunately he was without his glasses.   
  
"GET US OUTTA THESE!!!" They shout. I have to agree, Dib just isn't Dib without his trenchcoat, boots, and glasses. At least he still has his hair style... *Sighs, and goes back to change the costumes*  
  
~*~TEN MINUTES LATER~*~  
  
"Ahh, much better." Zim examined his uniform, mentally noting to wash it to get rid of the "Dib stink". Geesh, he took a bath last night, I'm pretty sure.  
  
Gaz sniggered, mentally picturing her brother in Zim's dress- I MEAN UNIFORM!!!!  
  
"IT'S NOT FUNNY, GAZ!!!" Shouted... Er... Someone. The suspence is so thick, you can cut it with a knife.... *Cuts a piece of suspence with a knife* Yum...  
  
"AHEM!!!" Gaz cleared her throat. "Nice little random interlude, but let's get back to the story now, okay?"  
  
*Whining* Oookaaayy... Anyway, a sudden crash comes from upstairs, for no fricken' reason at all but just 'cause I said so.   
  
"Riiight."   
  
"GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!" screams a mysterious voice from upstairs. Yup, it's the same person from above who screamed "IT'S NOT FUNNY, GAZ!!!"   
  
"Whaaaa? DIB?!" Gaz shrieked.   
  
"YES, IT's ME! NOW GET ME OUT OF HERE!!" He shrieks, sounding like he's in the dungeons that just happen to be below the castle. Why are dungeons never in the attic? Attics are scary. Oh well.   
  
"... Why should I?"   
  
"BECAUSE THE AUTHOR SAYS SO!!!" *Snickers* Did I mention that Dib's my fave character? No, wait, it's Gaz! No... GIR! ZIM!!! AHHHHH! I CAN'T FREAKIN' DECIDE!!! SO NOW EVERYONE HAS TO DIEEEEEE!!!  
  
"Nuh-uh!" Zim protested. Oh fine, you little party pooper.   
  
"GET! ME! OUT! OF! HERE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!" Geez, you didn't need to shout Dib, we heard you the first time. *Snaps her fingers and a plothole opens, with Dib flying out of it and face-first into the ground* Gotta get this AUTO-PLOTHOLE aim's fixed...  
  
"GYEH!" Dib grunted as he flipped onto his feet, "GAZ! YOU'RE ALRIGHT!"   
  
"Of course I'm alright. Wish I could say the same about you..." Gaz cracked her knuckles.   
  
"Hey! Don't beat him up, I just got this carpet dry-cleaned!" Zim protested, "Besides, I was hoping to try out my new gunblade thingymajib..."  
  
"Whatever. Look, I'm just going to slooowly back out that door, go home, and get on with my nice, normal life."   
  
"You'll get lost! Let me go with you!" Dib said, finally finding an excuse to get out of that freaky castle.  
  
"WAIT! The script says that at least ONE of you has to stay here with me!" Zim pointed out, holding DA SCRIPT (which is about a page long).  
  
"No way am I staying! And neither is Gaz!" The black-haired boy protested, crossing his arms in an attempt to look itimidating. Which, I might add, is failing miserably.  
  
"Hey, you got batteries?" Gaz asked, raising a (As far as I know, non-existent) eyebrow. Zim nodded his head, and Gaz walked over to stand next to the Irken. "Beats staying with you, Dib."  
  
Dib groaned, slapping his forehead. "We've got plenty of batteries at home, Gaz!" Just then, a random SIR ran by, throwing batteries and candy bars everywhere. "You know what? Forget it. Stay here Gaz, I don't care! Wait, I do. I HAVE TO GET MY REVENGE ON ZIM! MWUAHAHAHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA-" Dib choked, running out of the castle and into the night, randomly. It's the Madness Dog's fault.  
  
"So... Er..." Zim tried to begin, extremely shocked at Dib's maniac-ness.  
  
"I'm hungry. Watcha got to eat around here?" Gaz asked, kicking the assortment of cupcakes, candy bars, and batteries under the rug.  
  
"Check the kitchen."  
  
"Oh yeah. Where is it again?"  
  
"Follow the yellow brick road."  
  
Gaz merely stared at Zim for a minute, before her brain finally registered that there WAS, in fact, a little paved yellow-brick road thingie leading to the kitchen.  
  
And so she followed it.  
  
The kitchen was... Well, a kitchen! There was a refridgerator, an oven, and other doo-dads and what-nots.  
  
Gaz grumbled as she pulled open the door, revealing tons and tons of...  
  
CHOCOLATE BUBBLEGUM BRAINFREEZIES!  
  
And, shoved off into a tiny little corner, a ham-and-ketchup sandwhich.  
  
Gaz sighed as she took the sandwhich. "Look, I know another one of your stupid musical numbers is supposed to come next! So do me a favor and get it over with!" Yes ma'am!  
  
"Be our guest!" GIR squeaked from his hiding place in the cupboard.  
  
"Whaaa?" Gaz whirled around, only to see that there were DOZENS of little apron-wearing GIRS.  
  
And their names were Air, Bir, Cir, Dir, Eir, Fir, Hir, Jir, Kir, Lir, Mir, Nir, Oir, Pir, Qir, Rir, Sir, Tir, Uir, Vir, Wir, Xir, Yir, and Zir! Oh, if one of those random names happened to be the name of your Sir-unit, please don't flame me! IT WAS THE RANDOMNESS FAIRY'S FAULT!!!   
  
Anyway, there were twenty six little GIRS, all wearing pink fluffy aprons, and hiding in obvious spots in the kitchen!   
  
"Make a mess!" Another SIR-unit piped up from his hiding place in the toaster.  
  
As if on cue, four of the GIRS lined up, and each said in perfect succesion: "Be our guest!" "Make a mess!" "Put our hyperness to the test!" and "Get your mud pies and your dust bunnies..."  
  
"AND WE WILL DO THE REST!" shouted out the rest of the SIRs.  
  
Gaz slunk down into a chair that was convieniently placed in the middle of the kitchen. This was gonna be a looooong night.  
  
Suddenly, a SIR peeked out from underneath the chair. "Esteemed Mad-thingie! It would be our greatest happy joyness if you would stay and listen to our hyperness! AND WORSHIP THE PIGGIE!!!"  
  
"O-of c-course!" Gaz stammered, feeling a bit overwelmed. Wouldn't you be too if these robot things commanded you to worship the piggie?  
  
Three more sir units came up with a big plate of... Stuff. "Glitter and glue! Lint from a shoe! Why we only live to EAT!"  
  
"Throw some of the squishy stuff, it's fun!" One SIR recommended. "Don't believe me? Ask someone!"  
  
"WE CAN SING! WE CAN DANCE! AFTER ALL, THIS AIN'T FRANCE!!" Shouted out Mir. "And a glitter fight here in never second best!"  
  
All the Girs joined together in one big circle in the middle of the room, to continue singing: "Go on, take your choice of a weapon, take off the safety and then MAKE A MESS! MAKE A MESS! MAKE A MEEEEESSS!!!"  
  
Bir, Dir, and Nir leapt onto the counter and started can-canning. "Dun dun, make a mess, come on! Dun dun dun dun dun dun! Can't you tell that we had lots of Sweet N' Low, dun dun!" They leapt off to rejoin the circle as the song continued.  
  
Gaz, needless to say, was pretty sure that half of her IQ just rotted away.  
  
"Dirt and mud! Cheese-y crud! We'll prepare and serve with flair a messy wessy MUD PIE!!"  
  
"MMm, I like pie..."  
  
"Yes, we're nuts! Yes, we're insane! But who cares, it's just a game! So grab some stuff and start flinging, cuz who knows? YOU'RE WINNING!"  
  
"I can multiply two cows by two piggies!" Bragged Tir.  
  
"Oh yeah? That's nothing! I can MAKE PANCAKES!" Countered Wir.  
  
"AND I'M JUST ALL AROUND LOVEABLE!" Cried the original Gir.  
  
Back to the song, guys, before your five-second attention span shorts out again.  
  
"AND IT'S JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF DIIIIRT!!!" They continued. "So come on, just fling that dirt, we promise it won't hurt! So make a mess, please make a mess, make a meeesss!" The lights dimmed on a solitary SIR unit (Who happened to be Cir).  
  
"Life is so unfair, to a SIR unit who cannot care, care to eat and eat and eat! Ah, those days when we were actually useful... Yayily, those days are gone!"   
  
Vir struck up the violin at this point, making such a racket that almost broke poor Gaz's eardrums.  
  
"For six seconds we've been still, and now we can't be hyper until you start to mess up the kiitchen... You know you want to, you know you want to! Most days we actually do nooothiiing! HYPER, AND HAPPILY LAZY, YOU WALKED IN AND OOPS-A-DAISY!!!"  
  
"It's a guest! What a mess!" Gir squeaked as all of the Sir-units donned pink flowery aprons and started dusting and cleaning. "Oh my, we're all obsessed! The dirty carpets have been hidden, and Oh, the beds-IS THAT A KITTEN?!- Oh, the beds! She'll want them clean, and that's certainly not fine with me! 'Cause I'm vaguely OoC, so miss kind auuuthooorr, pleeaaaase! We'll be good, very clean! BECAUSE ZIM IS BEING MEAN! Oh, Miss Purple Haired Girl, won't you please? He said that we can't play until company goes away, so make a mess!"  
  
"MAKE A MESS!" The rest of the unhappy cleaning Sirs chorused.  
  
"Break our curse!"  
  
"BREAK THE RUUULES!" The Sirs sort of chorused.  
  
"AND MAKE A MESS! MAKE A MESS! WE CAN'T DO IT OURSELVES UNLESS YOU GET UP AND SAY THAT'S OKAY, AND YOU MUST 'CAUSE WE'RE OBSESSED!"  
  
Gaz was scared at this point. Very scared. If they needed her to throw a mudball, couldn't they just SAY so instead of making up a whole random song?  
  
"WON'T YOU PLEASE JUST THROW SOME CHEESE, 'CAUSE YES INDEED WE WANNA PLEASE! WHILE OUR BATTERIES ARE STILL GOING, LET'S KEEP ON THROWING..." Several GIRS were downing whole packages of Sweet N' Low, the evil stuff of evil.  
  
The GIRS divided into three lines, which amazingly enough delivered these three lines.  
  
"Chorus by CHORUS!"  
  
"One by ONE!"  
  
"'Till you crack and MAKE A MESS!"  
  
"Then we'll go off and clean like good little 'boooots!" They pleaded.  
  
"BUT WE CAN'T NOW, 'CAUSE WE'RE VERY HYPER SO, MAKE A MESS! MAKE A MESS!" The SIR units lined up and belted out:  
  
"MAAAAAAAAKE AAAAAAAAA MEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!"  
  
Gaz just blinked and sneezed.  
  
"WHOO!" The hyperactive bots cried as they started flinging mud and various random dirt-stuffs around the kitchen, effectively making a mess.  
  
"...Whatever." Gaz grumbled as she head off to bed. Nice Squall moment there, Gaz.  
--  
Ending Author's Notes:  
Hey, I TRIED to make it rhyme. But Invader Zim was never really good at following the rules; besides, the GIRS were too hyper to care about rhyming. So I hope you enjoyed, and please review! 


End file.
